A New Beginning

So much has happened.

When they did the D&C, they did an amnio. Results said that the baby was genetically normal and female. All signs point to fibroid as the culprit. Slight chance that the "genetically normal and female" tissue could have come from me, though, so we can't be 100% certain.

Met with the doc for the pre-op ultrasound. Fibroid is 12.5x14x9. By my calculations, that is bigger than a softball, more like a cantelope (or is it honeydew that is the smaller one?)

Fibroid is so big that I have to have some preliminary bloodwork to look for an enzyme which might indicate malignancy. Signed consent forms today so if, when they cut me open, it looks like cancer, they can remove all my girl parts. Long shot that it would be that, but better than any lottery-- 1 in 100. So we were sobered by that fact today. And that they won't know until they cut me open.

On a lighter note, today was my last day at the law firm. Will hunker down locally, spend the holidays, join a firm a few blocks from my house, and hope to get through this with my sanity.

So, our household income will drop by about 30%; I will be layed up for a while. Yet, we are going to host a rocking holiday party on 12/29, money be damned!!!

And, I am going to buy a new Christmas tree with my time off--in our big house with tall ceilings, the tree imported from hubby's bachelor days looks so small and sad. Remember the Charlie Brown Christmas tree???

Meanwhile, my oldest buds from college just had babies, and I can't wait to meet them!

Check out the book "Baby's First Tattoo". I buy it for every mom to be. A hilarious, modern, babu book that will never be filled out but will entertain the parents a lot.

2008 has to be an improvement.

Looking forward to my new life. Keeping my fingers crossed that babies are in my future. Thankful each day for my husband who is my rock.

the worst news

Went to the OB for the 4 month visit. Hoping we might get a sneak peek at the confirmation that we were having a boy on the ultrasound.

Tragedy.
Doc couldn't see well, fibroid in the way. Sends me downstairs to the hospital. Hubby meets me there for the better visual.

40 minutes later with 2 radiology techs we learn that there is no heartbeat. None. And a recent occurrence, as the baby measured 16 weeks.

Devastating.

Go home in shock.

Have to wait 9 days for D&E because stupid Catholic hospital had to refer me to a specialist. Then do I learn that they can't take out the fibroid for another 8 weeks or so, and then maybe weeks after that, I can try to get pregnant again.

Had surgery 1 last Thursday.

Trying to stay positive. At least we know the reason the baby didn't make it and it can be remedied before I get pregnant again.

Feel lost. Started going to church. Feel sad for hubby--he was so excited. He doesn't talk about it much but can tell he is just lost. We were so excited. Had to pack up the maternity clothes (which I was already wearing because the fibroid was so big I was sizing for 6mos). Pack up all the great deals we got on baby gear at garage sales.

Keep us in your prayers.

Being pregnant sucks

Week 14. Man this sucks.

Just over a week ago I woke up in agony. Belly distended, pain, bad. Call doc. Start spotting. Head to ER.
Note: never go to the ER unless you are dying. (My OB wasn't in and his office instructed me to.) They took some blood, gave me some pain pills and sent me on the way. Next day, call doc again as even the codeine won't stop the pain and they send me for an emergency ultrasound. There, I learn that I have a fibroid tumor (benign) growing in my uterus, and it is bigger than the baby. No wonder

I am so big for 3 months. Anyway, head to the doc to learn that I should expect the fibroid to grow along w/the baby and am informed that I am measuring at about 6mos size. Nice! Nothing like telling a big girl she's going to be even bigger throughout the prenancy.

So, after a few days the GI hell/fibroid combo calms down as the GI part subsides. Now I am just uncomfortable, bigger than I should be by a LOT, and feeling downright crappy. Second trimester is when I am supposed to start feeling better.

Luckily, I am married to the best husband in the universe who has now expanded his list of household responsibilities to everything: cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping, as I come home from work and assume a slug-like position on the couch. He's been pretty great, which says a lot since we haven't had sex since I conceived. Yep, I feel that lousy.

Hopefully things will pick up. Went shopping for maternity clothes today. Try finding maternity pants when you are a size 18. Not fun. Found plenty of cute tops though.

Cleaned up at a garage sale 2 weeks ago. Spent $80 and got a Graco bassinette w/mobile and adjustable height; Graco pack and play (word on the streets is that its the bomb!); baby monitor; Graco car seat (back up for Wes' car); Changing table. Even the hubby agreed that it was a fine haul.

Otherwise, things are moving along.
Dying to leave my job. Hate it. Nothing like feeling pregnant and miserable, and then hating every minute you are at work. Working on making a break at the end of the year. Will mean less dough, but closer to home which is a plus.

According to babycenter, the baby is the size of a lemon this week.

Haven't had a drink since July. My liver must be loving me! Never in my life have I gone three months (or three weeks for that matter) without alcoholic beverages. I wouldn't mind a glass of wine, but not taking the risk. I will just enjoy it all the more in the spring.

Working on names. We've decided we are having a boy. Have boy names picked. No girl names yet. Would like to find out but the fibroid tumor is in the front of my uterus and makes it hard to see the baby, so may be impossible. But, I am having regular ultrasounds because of the tumor, so hopefully the angle will be right at some point.

That's all for now. I am finding interesting blogs that people have re: their kids.

My faves so far:
http://www.buggydoo.blogspot.com/
http://finslippy.typepad.com/
Funny and well written and very entertaining

Ultrasound--see the baby!

So tired.

Ultrasound this week. More later.

Had to photoshop in a football to send to the family.

Just a little guy but already throwing his first pass.

Child birthin' hips

As if my hips were not plenty big enough to birth a baby, they appear to be shifting. I get on the scale every morning, and have not yet gained any weight, but my body seems determined to have me grow out some of my suits as soon as possible.

Ten days ago, I was worried that I didn't yet feel any different. Silly me.

Tired. Often.

Sick? Not really, thank god. A wave or two of nausea has come and gone, but no sickness, yet.

According to babycenter, the baby is the size of a small lentil right now. Last week it was a sesame seed. Talk about exponential growth.

A number of my friends are pregnant too--and everyone is more pregnant than me so I am getting lots of tips and advice.

Hubby is being wonderful. Every night he puts out my vitamin cocktail (multi, folic, calcium, fish oil with DHA) in a cup at the dinner table so I won't forget.

We couldn't agree on something this weekend (something to watch or do, no biggie), so I tell him that I have two votes now and that I should get my way. Without blinking, the reply, "The boy votes with his daddy." Too cute--I gave in.

I have been telling everyone in the universe (sans my employers) that I've got a pea in the pod. Big man hasn't even told his parents yet. He did however, tell a friend or two, and he is just so cute about it. I got an excited voicemail from one of the people he told, saying he just lit up and seemed so excited. He is going to be such an awesome dad.

Really feel like taking a nap.

Why don't I feel any different?

After last Thursday's big news, I guess I didn't know what to expect.

I thought I would feel different somehow once I was pregnant.

I didn't. Still don't. On Monday, I stopped at the drug store just to buy another box of pregnancy tests to be sure I was still pregnant, because I just didn't feel any different. Much to hubby's amusement, I am still pregnant. "You're going to be pregnant for a long time. You'd better get used to it," he said.

So, one week down and still no different. I guess my boobs are a little tender but that's it.

I suppose I should be happy as I am not nauseated at all, and am sleeping well. I haven't had any cravings yet. I am sure they are not far down the road. My mom said she never had morning sickness so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

It feels weird that we aren't supposed to tell anyone right now. Certainly I don't want to tell anyone at work, lest they already plan to replace me/not give me a raise/any of the other things a small male-dominated law firm would do to the only female lawyer who will have a child in the near future. Certainly they won't be happy for me--having a child will only distract from my indentured servitude and the slavish devotion I am supposed to have for the firm. We shall see.

As for the telling people, I don't get it. I suppose it saves the awkward "we lost the baby" conversation later on. But, so far if I have told anyone, I just say, it's early and anything could happen so we are keeping it low key. Folks who know me know that if I am at a social event, there will be an alcoholic beverage in my hand. Special election night I was drinking club soda--fortunately we were all given plastic cups so it wasn't obvious. But, if someone asked why I didn't want a glass of wine, I think I would have a hard time lying.

At a political event tonight, a female candidate I know talked about the fact that I was not seeking reelection. She and I talked about how the next few years would be focused on the pursuit of family and career. She said, "You two will have the most beautiful babies." How could I not tell her I am newly knocked up? So I did. Otherwise it would have felt weird not to say anything. I just don't see what the big deal is. Hubby hasn't even told his folks yet.

Oh well, I've never been good at keeping secrets. And this one is just way too cool to keep!

Pea in the pod

The big man was right when he said, "When I want to knock you up, I will knock you up!" (jokingly). Just took a pregnancy test last night, okay, I actually took three because we really wanted to be sure. Two lines. Any thought that I could quietly keep that information from my husband while I prepared a cool way to tell him (read May post with the Bears idea) immediately evaporated as I marched down the stairs with pregnancy test number one in hand and a smile on my face. So we do the second, and third.

I immediately apologize for the wine tasting I attended on Thursday, convinced that our embryo already has two heads, and think of every little thing in the past four weeks that could have messed up the baby's development. Typical, I suppose.

Ordered a few books online, and told my best friend who is due in December with her first child, which will be a girl.

In bed, we discuss which room will be the baby's room, and ways we can conserve money, and how much overtime he will try to sign up for.

I am looking forward to sickness and exhaustion, while I continue to work long attorney hours and try to maximize my billables!

We are convinced will have only boys. The first will be Thomas Wesley. The second name is disputed because I want "Robert" because what's the point of having your last name be ***** if you can't have a little Bobby *****? The big man says no way. I suppose I have some time to think about it. (***** last name edited out because grumpy husband says that my blog has his picture, car, house, job etc., and does not need his last name...)

This is my last hurdle into grownupness. There is a little ball of cells inside me that, with luck, will turn into an all-consuming bundle of joy next April. Keep your fingers crossed! I signed up at http://www.babycenter.com/ to learn about the baby's progress--they will email you weekly to tell you what your baby is doing and what parts of it are being created, etc., what to expect. Neat!

We are going to try to wait to tell people, but I have a feeling I won't be able to.

Babytime.

We are ready to have a baby. Well, I guess as ready as we will ever be. I will be 34 this September, and my ovaries aren't getting any younger.

My best friend from college, who is pregnant, told me about a website called www.mymonthlycycles.com . This site helps you track your ovulation, and will even email you reminders to get busy. It let me print a calendar--and the days you are fertile have bunny rabbits on them--cute!

Twins run in my husband's family, which scares me a bunch. Don't think we can handle two little babies. I decided that I should find a cool way to tell my husband when I actually get pregnant. He is a Chicago boy and a huge Bears fan, so I bought a newborn one-sie and booties with the Bears logo. When I am pregnant, I will give it to him to let him know!

I hope it isn't hard to get pregnant. I have no interest nor intent to mess with fertility drugs, etc., if it turns out to be difficult. So, I will be counting the days and keeping my fingers crossed.

To blog or not to blog.

That is the question.

When I was in law school (2004), I started a blog. I was too busy and never really got around to writing very much. No one ever read it or knew it existed. But it was fun. It is kind of neat to go back and read what I was thinking, especiall through the hell that was bar review. It is at: http://shadycat.livejournal.com/
I have three friends who blog. Why do I mention this? Because when friendster emails me that one of them updated their blog (which is rare) I have to read it. I must guiltly confess that I check the sites of the other two folks who blog almost daily. I am a total voyeur. It is just so interesting to me.

My life over the past few years has been such a time of transition, that I decided to get back to it and to start writing things down. Let's see how well I do--I wasn't able to be a regular contributor in my last attempt.

The evolution of Betsy Booth Hill

Did you ever play the game when you were an adolescent, the one where to find out what your porn star name is you take the name of your first pet followed by the name of the street you grew up on?

Betsy Ross, the dog that predated my birth, and stayed with me through middle school. Booth Hill Road, my childhood home.

Thus, my porn name would be Betsy Booth Hill.

Probably wouldn't be a big seller, unless revolutionary war-themed porn makes a comeback.