Bad. Bad. Bad.

Things just ain't great here, on my end at least.
Kid's fussy.
Dad's tired.
Mom's miserable, and clearly has a flair for the dramatic. I am really in a funky funk, feeling like I'm not putting enough time in as a mom, wife, or lawyer. I'm filling my free time with the internet, wine, and, at the moment, Snyder's multi-grain aged cheddar cheese puffs. As far as I can see it, I have all the food groups represented: fruits & veggies (wine); dairy (orange cheezy goodness on the puffs); grains (and multi-grains at that which are the actual puff); and meat (?? don't know if that one's actually required).

One of my bestest pal's Tara is in town and she and I are having dinner tomorrow, so hopefully, the old, fun, happy B will return.

Just marked the calendar--on March 12, project baby number 2 begins. Gotta get it done while I still have my nerve.

Daily Dani.

Random thought--Dani's yawns are my favorite sound ever. (Her screaming comes in dead last, even behind her pooping in her diaper, though.) As the picture below will illustrate, she is busy plotting world destruction-note the devious look and twisty hands!

Picture from last night when Dani wouldn't smile, but mommy was happy to!

My congressman rocks!

I used to work for Congressman Paul Tonko, back when he was just Assemblyman Paul Tonko. It was my first, real post-college job, and I stayed for nearly ten years, until I finished law school. Paul's family to me. He has been a friend and mentor, and all of my political achievements began with him, and could not have been achieved without his help. He had these delivered to my office yesterday:

Yes, these are exactly what they look like--an official program and invitation to the inauguration.

Doesn't that rock??? Thanks Paul!

This made me laugh.

Over the hump (I hope.)

I think that Dani's back to her normal, happy self. She was happy and fun last night, and slept well. I hope this is trend!

A bunch of law school friends are coming over for dinner and to meet her tonight--can't wait! Everybody told me time would fly and she would grow up fast. Note the difference in less than two months! From baby blob, to little baby-person!

One thing I'm thankful for. (or ten)

(OK, we are back to screamy and swaddled and in the swing.)

I read a bunch of mommy blogs, and other people's blogs in general. I read these blogs of strangers and friends and realize how lucky we are, and how thankful I should be.

So without further adieu (and before Dani wakes up and screams), here are ten things I am thankful for:
1. Good health insurance. Dani's birth cost me exactly one $15 copay. Since she was born, I've only had one copay, apparently well-baby visits are covered!
2. Big Man's recession-proof(ish) job. He's a cop. In a city. He's senior enough that even if the City Council needed to lay cops off, he'd be okay.
3. I have a good boss and a reasonably secure job. My boss has a lot of great cases; I have some decent clients, and I think I'm reasonably safe, employment-wise, during this recession.
4. We have lots of family and friends who love us. Big Man's momma is planning an April trip out here. I talk to my mom and dad and grandma and brother and sis Amy all the time, and they are all loving and supportive. My far away friends understand why I don't call and barely email, and I love them all--Gina. Chang. Tara. Jessie. And so many more.
5. Lots of local friends and family that love us, spend time with us (and love to spend time with Dani).
6. I lost the baby weight plus lots.
7. My health. I'm pretty healthy (knock on wood). But, everyone in my family (Dad's side) gets bad cancer, and I've always been convinced I'd die young of it. Did my will before the first baby was lost. Want to give birth to another baby before it gets me. I hope I'm wrong on this one.
8. General Motors. Big Man's pimpin' 1994 Caddy is still not (too) rusty and running well--we haven't had to make a car payment in 2 years--hope the Caddy lasts (especially my less-than-pimpin' Buick is 5 years old, too).
9. Big Man. There could be no list without him. He is the single most thing I am thankful for. (yeah, before the kid. he made the kid.) He just does, and does, and works hard, and is tired, and still makes me dinner every night, and still makes me feel like a wife he loves in the brief moments we have together most days. Because he doesn't begrudge me my outside interests, and they are many, and take time away from home. Because, most of all, he's. always. loved. me.
10. cats. not like the musical, the animal. I have two. They are both over 10. They went from sleeping on the bed with me (one of them on me) to barely being petted. They are adjusting well to the baby--boy cat (scrubbie) just steers clear of baby but girl cat comes running (no lie) each time Dani cries, and wakes me up in the middle of each night (no lie) a few minutes before Dani cries by jumping on the bed and climbing on me.

All said, I'm a lucky girl, blessed to have a solid husband, healthy kid and stable jobs. We're doing okay. We will get through this economy (my IRA tanked like yours did), this baby stuff, this failed (so far) attempt to sell our damn house, and we will be okay.

So, friends, I'm sorry I owe you a call, but, at least I'm not asking you for money!

All is well.

Awake and back to normal, thank god.

Kill me now.

For the past hour (since my last post at 6:43pm) I have been dealing with a screaming baby, of the non-stop non-specific screaming kind. I don't know what the problem is, but I suspect is was gas. After about 20 minutes of trying every baby soothing apparatus we had, I got out the baby gas-x, and gave her some. Then 30 minutes of the bouncy "milkshake hold" (thank you Aunt Beth and Uncle John for Happiest Baby on the Block) and Dani's alter ego became a beer burpin' trucker. I think she could have done the ABCs in burps, if she knew the ABCs. Anyway, she's back in the swing and mommy's head hurts.

The thing that sucks is that she will sleep through the night mostly. She will now swing and sleep for an hour or so (I hope) and for the second night in a row, I only got to experience an unhappy baby that I couldn't really soothe. It makes me feel bad when I can't make her feel better, and she's just sad and hurting and screaming and wondering, no doubt, why her mommy sucks so bad. And, she's old enough that sometimes when she cries, there are real tears. Makes me cry too.

Oh, the happier days (Sunday):

She does not have my nose! (Hers is way cuter!)

In other news.

I went shopping with my friend Debby on Sunday and bought a springy new coat. Now all I need is spring! Big Man's sleeping so the hanger is my model tonight. Probably the only perk of this craptastic economy is that stores are practically paying you to take stuff.

Dani's been super crabby at night, just in time for my time with her. Last night Big Man was home and we could not identify the source of the screaming. Baby Gas-X didn't help, nor did burping. I basically hog-tied her with my hands, so that Big Man could break out the lube and take her rectal temp. (Was she hot from screaming, or from a fever we wondered?) Turns out no fever but gave her some infant tylenol just to be safe. Do you know they tell you not to use vaseline but to use lube, like the grown up sex kind to take a baby's rectal temp? So, uh, we, uh, had to get some, for, uh, the baby. But if when we are preoccupied with a fussy baby, what if we leave the tube of astroglide out, and the lady who watches Dani one day per week, or our friends, or anyone sees it on, say, the mantel of the fireplace (near the changing table), we are really going to be sending out a kinkier message than I'm comfortable with, but I digress. These are the things I think about when the kid's sleeping.

God bless the swing. As my friend Jessie so aptly termed it, "it's the silver bullet for the sleep-resistant child". Give my lil' screamer a swaddle, a suckie, and a swing, and all is right with the world. Meanwhile, I'm wishing it was 1950 and I could just go to the doctor and get some of "mommy's little helper" because dayum folks, I am a walking, talking zombie. And barely walking at that because the 30 day shred kicked my ass. Well it kicked my thighs--they are so sore it hurts to walk up the stairs!

Things that suck today:

Memory stick is fried. Bye bye edited photos I never uploaded to order online yet...

I have to go to Long Island for depositions in a case next week. Scheduled it for the wrong day, and will have to stay overnight on Tuesday, a night Big Man is scheduled to work. Oops. Can't fix it.

If I didn't have a sleeping baby and husband, I'd drive to burger king and get me some of those little sliders that they just came out with that come in a little baby shirt box. Had them once, and they were good. Yummy yum yum. But, not good enough to bundle up the screamer and put her in a carseat to get them. And Big Man is sleeping. Maybe another day.

Tara is coming to visit me (well if you want to get technical, her family, but she's going to see me too) this weekend. People, I love her like a sis--in fact, I've waited to have a cosmo since I've had the baby because I'm drinking my first (and second, and third) with her. Saturday. Sweet Jesus may time fly!

Shred me now.

Dani slept until 6:15am, so once I got her fed, changed and back to bed it was about 6:45am. I dawdled for a few minutes and convinced myself to go downstairs and do the 30 day shred video. It took me almost a month, but I did it! After work tonight I'm going to pick up an exercise mat and a decent sports bra. Will hope to guilt myself into it most days.

Today is the first day of my first post-baby period. This means that I have already marked the calendar to begin trying for baby number in two days. Big Man says we have to wait until April like the doc says, but I am determined to convince him otherwise. Would love the deduction for '09!

Anyway, that's the haps here. My stinkin' memory stick is still fried. Hoping my super guy Tony Chang can fix it today. If not, baby pictures are lost!

Louie the lip.

Love the bottom lip! Little frowny face!

Dressed up.

Decided to take Dani out today, so I thought I'd put her in an outfit (instead of a sleeper) before she grew out of it. She is captivated by Daddy:

Daddy can always coax a smile out of us!

My daily grind.

We've gotten into a routine.

A sleep-deprived, difficult routine. I feel like a professional wrestler, but without (a) the cool leotard; (b) the sleek, toned, oiled body; (c) the fatty fat cash; and (d) the screaming fans. I feel like a wrestler because every night, I come home, and Big Man (so tired I originally typed his real name! gasp!) tags me in as he tags out of baby duty.

He heads upstairs for some sleep, and I'm immediately "on" and in charge of all things domestic and maternal. Before any of you think this is even slightly unfair, it is, and it certainly is, in my favor. I sleep in my bed all night, with only one disturbance from the wee one, while Big Man keeps the streets safe in Schenectady. He comes home after a night of dealing with crack ho's and wife beaters, washes off the bad guy germs and is immediately in charge of a baby due to wake up for the day at any moment. At this time, mommy heads off to work. Big Man, still with no sleep, spends the day nurturing our child, and then prepares dinner, so that it is ready the moment I walk in the door so we can have a meal together before he sleeps. (And, at times I actually am enough of a bitch on wheels to resent that we are eating so early!) He makes sure I have a hot dinner every night, even though that means he gives up another hour of sleep. After dinner, he tags me in and generally sleeps for few hours, and then it's back to the ho's. By the way, in case you were wondering, he says there is no actual such thing as a hooker with a heart of gold. They are, in fact, addicts. (but I digress) And, they don't look like Julia Roberts, either.

So, tomorrow begins the first day of help--Dawn is coming at 10am so Big Man can sleep. A nanny that comes highly recommended, we will be paying her to chill with Dani (and teach her some shizzle, and cut her nails because I'm scared to and the filing is getting harder to do as the baby gets stronger and resists, and well, what good is a care giver if she won't file the baby's nais???) One day per week, Big Man will get to sleep for an undisturbed 5 or 6 hours, which should help with the whole sleep deprivation thing.

I asked him tonight, over the dinner he cooked, whether, if we had unlimited funds, he would pay someone to come to the house every day. He said he thought it was his job, and he was happy to raise his own kid. He flippin' rules. (If we were rich, I'd be all about the nannies....and the personal massage therapists, and pool boys and shiz.)

Dani seems to definitely be teeting. Can't get her to care about the teething rings I bought. Gave her some kiddie tylenol tonight when she was particularly screamy--she had no idea what it was and the grapey goodness was drooled completly out. So, I kept scooping it off her chin and feeding it to her on her finger and she finally figured out that the sugary concoction was tasty, and she ate it and chewed on my finger with her poor little gums.

Anyway, some photos.

(because none of you really care about anything I have to say, just want to ogle or blog-stalk as my friend JHey says, my kid)

Dani, wearing the hat I had as a baby/toddler (which some grandma shrunk in the dryer [wool]):Dani, smiling for Daddy today:

Dani, sitting up like a big girl in her new Bumbo chair (part of the haul from BJs last weekend):

That's all I've got for now.

Tasty fingers.

Dani found her hands and will not stop chomping on them. Today she's been drooling and chomping on her hands and incredibly irritable and screamy. We are thinking she is teething. It's pretty early, but the doc mentioned it, and it is the only thing that explains her behavior today. Poor little bug.

Valentines Day.

Dani's first Valentine's Day. Dad snapped a picture of her with her very first Valentine's card:

Big Man is home today; has the rare Saturday night off. We are going to grill some big ol's steaks and chill out.

Renewed my membership to BJs today, and managed to spend $373.00 dollars on everything from diapers to tissues to a collossal 60 ounce vat of Miracle Whip (which I hate but Big Man loves). You know, typical BJs, the multipak of deodorant, toothpaste, the three pack of 44 ounce bottles ketchup. Basically, I got everything on our grocery list, just in huge quanties. Sure, it cost a lot today, but I won't need to buy ketchup until 2010. Big Man is not a BJs believer--he says that just because they make it that big doesn't mean I have to buy it, but he will be thanking me when he never needs to buy toilet paper again, ever. I bought like a 30 pack. If the blizzard of the century hits, we will still be able to wipe. :) I did draw the line at the box of 1,500 packets of Sweet N Low; we're not running a diner! (plus I hate the pink stuff, but Big Man uses it to make the most sickly sweet coffee).

Big Man finally snapped a pic of a real smile:

She had a bath, and we made a little baby mohawk:

Mommy had a grownup night out last night. The Mayor and I went to a reception for Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, only the Senator didn't make it--the vote on the stimulus package went late. So, we had free food and drinks, and the promise of a comped ticket to a reception in the very near future! Daddy had a grownup night too--local nana Debi picked Dani up (we had a spare car seat, so Big Man installed it in her car) and Dani spent a few hours with Debi and Glenn, and daddy got to play an uninterrupted game or three of Madden football. A good time was had by all.

Time to get grillin' our delmonicos are calling!

Two month visit.

Big Man took Dani to her 2 month doctor's visit yesterday. I avoided it like the plague. She was scheduled to get 4 shots! 4! Let me preface this by saying I can only speak from the experience of taking my cat to get shots. You can always get the first shot in because they don't know it's coming. But the wise, wise veteranarian knows to put all the immunizations in one syringe because kitty will shred you to ribbons if you think you are getting two pokes in. Not so with the defenseless baby, defenseless infantus, to be more scientific about it. I would guess that after the first shot, the baby might be somewhat disturbed. But then to know that you have to hold her for THREE more was more than I could even contemplate, so I just refused to attend.

So, the two month visit, attended by Big Man.
Dani's now 11 lbs., 4 oz. and is 23 1/2 inches long. The doctor says that she is smiling/recognizing faces early, and he said he felt the nubs of little teeth which may also be making an appearance soon.

According to Big Man, "She screamed like she's never screamed before. A pitch that was nearly audible only by dogs. You could never have handled it."

Big Man's highlight of the visit was the attention lavished upon him by every woman he saw. He described Dani as a "chick magnet" and said that he's never felt more like a rock star than he did yesterday. Apparently women of all ages love a man with a cute little baby.

I went to the Chamber of Commerce dinner last Friday, and the local paper posted a photo of me showing off Dani's pics! So no Dani pic today, just a mommy one. Mommy had meetings last night, and is going to an event with US Senator Gillibrand tonight!

And also, today's Dani pic.

A little changing table action for you! For those of you who prefer pics to my actual thoughts! She is really starting to develop a little personality, and she smiles a ton! So much fun, when she's not screaming, which is really less often.

They say everyone has a twin.

Oh, the internet makes the world so much smaller. I was contacted two weeks ago by a woman in Texas, who somehow found my name and email address on a recipe website. She emailed me because she thought we looked alike. Turns out, she's adopted, and after a few email pleasantries, asked me for some details about my life, which I was happy to share. Internets, you know I'm an open book!

She's really nice, and we've been corresponding for a few weeks, but ultimately came to the conclusion that unless there's some huge family secret, and my mom (or her big sister) had a baby as a teen and no one ever though to mention it to me, it is unlikely she is my long lost sister. In the process, I learned a lot about a really neat woman who has a big family, like me is involved in government, and seems just generally happy with life.

I'm going to post both of our pictures--I tried to find one where my hair and glasses are similiar, and y'all can be the judges! **UPDATE 2/13, she sent a pic that is more similar so it is here:

So, family members/blog readers, any skeletons in the ol' closet you'd like to tell me about?

Shoutout to my internet sis--stay in touch!

An open apology to everyone

To my friends and family who I rarely talk to, (I'm trying)

I don't often make plans.

I hear it ring, but don't pick up the phone.

I miss political events, and have a million recommendation letters to do for folks who want jobs.

I *usually* remember to empty the litter box.

I fell asleep during the pro bowl last night.

I'm not as punctual as I used to be. I actually get to the office at about 8:45, instead of 7:30, and sometimes more like 9am.

I watched many of you with kids, and could never figure it out. I mean, how hard could it be? I was always the girl at the party talking to the guys because the mommys were all in the kitchen talking about diapers and boring stuff like babies. I'm one of you now. (Well, it might be more likely that I will let you hold my baby at the party so I can go have fun with the guys, but that remains to be seen.)

For every time I walked into the house of a stay at home mom and couldn't figure out why it was a mess when she was just home all day with the kids...I apologize, for thinking it, because, man I was wrong!

We are going to hire someone to come to the house one day per week so Big Man can sleep. Sleep! We are going to pay someone, so my husband can be upstairs and sleep undisturbed once in the middle of his work week! Two months ago I would have scoffed at the thought, because, how hard could it be??

Sometimes I still think it's not that hard. Dani sleeps like a champ at night, so I'm pretty lucky. She only gets up once. Big Man cooks dinner every week night, so I come home to a hot meal. (For the record, he used way too much thyme on the ham steaks he made tonight so I didn't really eat the dinner, but I digress. He's a man, and a good cook, and I'm damn lucky.)

I wish I could say that it will get better soon and I will magically reappear in your life, answer the phone, and clean my house, but we are planning on trying for baby number 2 in a few weeks. So, now's the time to drag me out for dinner and drinks before I get knocked up all over again and it gets even harder.

Sorry! But can you blame me? Isn't she just the cutest little bean?

My focus is clear.

This there's website called Wordle, that will analyze your blog (or anything written) and make a collage of the apparent foci of it.

This is mine:


I can't seem to make it any larger, but apparently, I blog about Dani the most!
You can see the full size on the wordle gallery: http://www.wordle.net/gallery/wrdl/520301/Bethany's_world

Superbaby at the Superbowl.

Somebody was a happy baby on Sunday!

Dani got dressed up to go over to David & Gail's for the superbowl.

We ate tons of great food, (mommy) drank waaay too much for a work night, and had an all-around good time. Dani loves all the attention she gets from Gail and Shannon. Mommy and daddy enjoyed the game while other people fawned over the baby! Nice!

Dani takes her crime-fighting very seriously.

More visitors!

On Saturday, Marjorie, Donna and Tiffany came to meet Dani! Marjorie was great at getting smiles out of Dani!

The smiles almost make me forget about the screaming. But not quite.