To Tori, as you turn 4.

 They say the middle child is always the complicated one. 

I don't know if that's true.

But it must be hard to find your place in the family when someone is always older, and doing things before you, and someone is always younger and needing more attention.

But you handle it with grace, usually.

Little Tori, you are suddenly not-so-little.  You're at that point in your childhood where your pendulum swings from desperately wanting to be a big girl, doing things for yourself without help, to desperately wanting to be the baby, snuggly and dependent on us for the simplest things.

You're brave.  And loud.  And my, you are funny.

You can get away with murder because you are so damn adorable.  The kind of adorable that strangers remark about when we go out.

And like the nursery rhyme, you are the little girl, with the little curl, right in the middle of your forehead...and when you are good, you are very, very good, and when you are bad, well, we all know the rest.

You thought that you would get to go to school as soon as you turned four.  I know you're excited to ride the bus like your big sister, but you've got to be patient....patience doesn't come easy at your age.

As you've carved your niche in the family, you are excelling in being in the kitchen with me.  We baked your birthday cake together--you picked it out, and all the toppings.  You decorated it yourself (and it was beautiful!).  You're my expert egg cracker, batter mixer, and dinner helper.

You are a bolt of lightning when I walk through the door after work..."Mommeeeeeeeeeeeee's home!" followed by a full-on sprint to give me a hug.  (Unless there is something really good on TV, in which case I am invisible.)

If our family were a class, you'd be the class clown.  And you'd win best smile.

 You're the catalyst for chaos in the house...so full of energy and silliness that Dani and Tommy can't help but follow you.  From your inexplicable and silly phrases, "I got a fruita in my toota" as you dance around shaking your booty, to your unparalleled couch bouncing ability, Daddy and I often have to turn our heads so the other kids don't see us giggling at your antics. 

In the middle of a tantrum, you demand "a hug and a kiss".  And you wrap your arms around me and hold me tight, as inside the toddler and big girl battle for dominance...sometimes it works and you calm down, other times, the toddler in you is stronger and the tantrum continues.

You, Tori are our brightest light, and our biggest challenge.

Keep diving in head first.

 And keep snuggling with me.

Happy birthday my sweet Tori.

You never outgrow them.

Tonight Dani woke up after Tori went to sleep.  I went upstairs to check on her, and give her a drink of water.  "Can I have just one more kiss and hug, Mommy?" 

I was happy to oblige.

"Mommy, no matter how big you get, you just don't outgrow kisses and hugs."

Truer words have never been said.

Ringing in the new year with the folks.

 A few days after Christmas, my parents flew in for a visit.

So the kids had a second round of presents and holiday cheer!

The kids were so excited!

My parents are in their mid 60s, but you'd never know it by their boundless energy.  They are the most attentive and fun grandparents you can imagine.

 They wanted Grandma and Grandpa to watch Despicable Me.

 Tommy and Grandma doing a New Year's Eve conga.

 New Year's Eve wouldn't be complete without noisemakers!

 Wes had to go to work but I managed to sneak in a quick photo before he left.

 

As we start this new year, I resolve to take nothing for granted, to appreciate every moment, at home, at work, with my family and friends.

Cheers!

Christmas time is here!

 Two weeks before Christmas we got SNOW!  Lots of it.  It was light and powdery, and no good for snowman making, but the kids had a blast.  Tommy was too little to really go out in the snow last year, so this was his first time in a snowsuit playing.  The snow was up to his waist, and he really couldn't move around too easily.  Once we convinced him to stop taking off his gloves, he had a pretty good time.

Tori decided that slides and swings are even more fun in winter!

 And then it was Christmas.  This was the first year we stayed home.  I was really kind of bummed about it at first-we have some local family that we always spend Christmas with, and we decided that a 3 hour round trip with the kids wasn't going to work this year.  I told Wes we still needed to dress up and do Christmas dinner right.  So, we did, and it was lovely.  I made a turkey, prime rib, mashed potatoes, rutabagas, sweet potatoes, veggies, bread, stuffing, and a cheesecake.  Needles to say we were eating leftovers for days!

The kids had fun--Tommy's old enough this year to understand the concept of presents, and we watched all the Christmas shows together--Hoops and Yoyo Ruin Christmas being the favorite of everyone (except Wes).

 Wrapping each kid's presents in different wrapping paper makes life a million times easier.

 Tablets for everyone.  Totally cheap Droid tablets ($59 each) that will keep their grubby mitts off my Nexus.

 Santa did not have a goddamn clue  appreciate quite how large the playhouse was going to be--it is two rooms and takes up almost the entire playroom.

 We put on our Christmas dresses and had a lovely dinner.

It was a great day.

As we move into 2014, I'm feeling a bit inspired.

I lost another classmate last week--this time to a heart attack.  And another close friend has cancer.

As Gru would say, "Light bulb."

I'd like to start doing a better job of appreciating what I have--of making better use of my time--paying more attention to Wes and the kids when I'm home and drawing a better line between work and family, and taking better care of myself in the process.

Cheers. 

Five!

 Dani turned five this week.  Five!  Where does the time go?

It's been quite a year for our not-so-little Dani.

She started Pre-K.  She waits for the bus, with her Super Mario backpack, just like a big kid.  Every night at dinner, she's so eager to tell us about what her buddies did at school, to sing us songs, and tell us about her day.  When we drive around town, she loves to point out her friends' houses, and she's learning how to get places, telling me while I'm driving which way I should be going.

For weeks, she was singing songs in anticipation of her Christmas concert at school.  When the flyer came home, I was scheduled to be in court, but at the last minute, the matter was adjourned so I was able to go.  With some help, I snagged a second row seat.  She walked out with the twelve children in her class, anxiously looking around, and she saw me and Grandma Deb.  She frantically waved, and was so excited to sing to us.  Tears rolled down my cheeks while she sang and danced, "I'm a little snowman, look at me." 

There was my baby, up on stage, at school, in her first concert.

 She's the first one to offer to help, before I have to ask her.

Usually, she's the first one to tattle, unless she's joining in the mischief with Tori and Tommy.

She's quick to laugh, and make silly faces and sounds.

She's getting good at talking back too--Mommy, apparently, is very often wrong, you know.

And she's getting SO BIG--she's the tallest kid in her class, and comes up almost to my shoulders.

And she still wants to snuggle, as often as possible.  But these days, she reminds you more of one of those big dogs who doesn't realize she's not a lap dog, as she piles on top of me on the couch or asks me to pick her up.

 It's hard to believe she's five.

I swear, just yesterday she was a baby, trying to gnaw my face off.

And wow, I had far fewer grey hairs back then!

 It was so much easier back when there was just one.

I had so much time for just focusing on her...and celebrating the silliest of holidays, like her first St. Patty's day photos.

 She loves fiercely.

From the moment we brought Tori home, and she exclaimed "Baby" and kissed her, she embraced the role of big sister.

 And she couldn't wait to do it again with Tommy.

 She usually sets a pretty good example for them to follow.

And she is naturally good at sharing the spotlight.  It's interesting that when she chooses characters that she likes best, it's most often the supporting ones.  She prefers Luigi to Mario, Robin to Batman, Widget to Wubbzy.  She's the first one to hand over the coveted toy of the moment so Tommy won't cry, and to share her goodies with Tori without being asked.  An action not accompanied by please or thank you is nearly non-existent with her.

She changed my life.

She taught me how to love with a depth I did not know I possessed.

She taught me, and continues to teach me every day, important lessons like these:

A walk around the block can be magical if you find pinecones.

The boxes stuff comes in are often more fund to play with than the stuff.

Everything is better with sprinkles.

Always make time for another kiss and hug.

Bedtime songs are way better than bedtime books...Raindrops on Roses is still her favorite.

Getting dressed is more fun if you don't care if your clothes match.

You don't need a reason to turn off the lights and have a glow stick party.

Knock knock jokes don't have to be funny to be funny to toddlers.
All you need is a sunny day and a maple tree seed pod to turn into a unicorn.

 

And the most amazing part is that this is just the beginning.  The beginning of the life of my amazing little Dani.  As much as I selfishly hate to see her to grow so independent, I love to see her roots grow stronger as my little flower reaches for the sunlight.

Happy birthday, Dani.

Being Thankful.

 I should be working right now.  Have a computer bag full of files that need my attention.

But I can't.

I spent a few hours at a wake for a classmate of mine.  Two years ahead of me, with a young son, and she's dead.  Cancer.

Isn't that our worst fear?  That type of tragedy?  Leaving the world too early, before our children are grown, while they still need us to tuck them in at night, kiss their boo boos, and raise them?

No child should ever have to know that loss; no parent should have to either.

So I am pausing for a minute or two tonight to be thankful.

For sunny afternoons on the playground.

For dress up games.

 For coloring, and silly faces.

Family dinners.

 Playtime with out of town family.

For every moment I get to enjoy with these little kiddos, and their daddy.

We never really know if we will see tomorrow.

Make the most of each day.

I'm going to make sure I try to.

Where are you going, my little one?

Dear Dani,
It is happening too quickly.
Just a few minutes ago, I swear, I was a nervous and pregnant 35 year old, wondering how I would ever know what to do as your mom.  Wondering if I would do okay, if I would have that magical moment where I laid eyes on you and fell in love.  And I did.  Wondering if I would know how to raise you, and teach you and be your mom.  Really, it feels like yesterday.

But it wasn't.  Today I enrolled you in Pre-K.  In just a few short months, you're going to be riding a school bus, headed to school to make friends, and learn even more that you can imagine.  You're an amazing little girl--with a brain like a sponge, always learning, never forgetting, and consummately polite.  We're so proud of the girl you are becoming.

And, on days like today, it feels like you're becoming a girl too quickly, and it makes me want to squeeze you tight and ask you not to grow up, to stay my baby.

Like we sing at bedtime, "when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad".  You, my love are one of my favorite things.  My big girl is going to school.