Thursday, July 31, 2008

Shout out to Susan!

My pal Susan just gave me two free tix to the Police/Elvis Costello concert tomorrow!

Rock on!

I'm psyched! Pics to follow!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Houston, we (don't know if) we have a penis.

We went to the doctor for the big reveal today, the 20 week ultrasound. We were supposed to find out if the baby is a boy or girl. Baby stretched out and moved and appeared to be in a decent position for measurements by the ultrasound tech...but when the doc came in to finish the job, the baby literally curled up into a ball. I think he flipped us off too but I can't be sure. In any event, we have no idea if it's a girl or boy. We did get a 3-d photo which is really scary. Like animated baby-zombie scary. So, boy or girl, I am apparently carrying a psychopath. Fun times. We will have one more ultrasound at week 32, but I'm not going to pin my hopes on that!
The photo below is a 3-d shot of the baby's head, and the round balls are baby's fists. I swear I didn't retouch these. Baby looks scaaaarrrrrry! Maybe we should name him Lon Cheney.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The neighborhood decline.

As a former detective (old dep't) and police officer (current gig) the Big Man is wildly observant. Really. Nothing gets by him. We can drive through a neighborhood and I'll notice absolutely nothing except, say, the yellow car, and he will have seen a crackhead, a rabid dog and a girl turning tricks, as I noticed absolutely nothing. He is incredibly observant and pays attention to every detail, which is good, because I'm the reason there is a warning on your toaster not to use it while bathing. I'm not saying that "careless" describes me, but the Big Man may have used that term a time or twelve.

Needless to say, I don't always notice much in the neighborhood. We live on a very nice block of historic homes that are all very well maintained. In fact, ours is on the low end of the niceness spectrum, as we have some over the top neighbors who have gardeners or something to help them keep their flowers so perfectly maintained. There is one thing in the neighborhood that I always notice, and that's the asshole doctor across the street's hummer. I've never met him, but have a wildly preconceived notion of what a prick he is solely because he drives a hummer. But, I digress.

Three weeks ago, there was a house on the corner that had a UHaul in front of it. It's the only 2 family, but a well-maintained Victorian, which was converted from a one family to a two family side by side. When it was for sale we actually looked at it prior to buying the place we are in now. Anyway, a few days later, the Big Man predicts the decline of the neighborhood. I don't know why, in fact I had been pleased to see adults and kids sitting on the large porch and steps and kids playing in the yard. There is, however, a tree stump on the corner of their property with three ceramic gnomes keeping watch on the neighborhood. But, Travelocity uses gnomes on their commercials, it doesn't mean the house's occupants will be bad neighbors, right? I've been tempted to sneak out in the dark and move the gnomes to the top of the doctor's hummer, but I'm too much of a wuss.

So, since Big Man's prediction I'm curious. I have literally turned into a spy, peering out of the blinds waiting to see when the neighborhood death spiral will begin. Last Saturday, a badminton net went up in the front yard. Big man says, "I told you so, the couch is next." I think instead that its nice that the kids have something to play with. A few hours later a cardboard box is nailed to the telephone pole and all of the household belongings are spread on the lawn for the "garage sale". Again, Big Man laughs. I think we should have had a neighborhood garage sale because there's stuff I'd like to get rid of too!

Monday night after work, I notice a twin mattress propped up against the wall of the house under the porch. A pink mattress. It's still there. Score one for the Big Man.

Tonight, he's at work for an extra shift, and it's after 9pm and there are little kids outside yelling and carrying on. Score two for the Big Man. At least he's not here to rub it in.

Big man 2, naive wife 0.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I'm probably going to regret this.

I am as big as a house. Maybe it's just the dress, or perhaps at Monday's trip to the OB, I will learn I'm having sextuplets? Interestingly, I am down 7 pounds since I conceived, which defies logic, as I don't usually look quite this rotund! Anyway, belly (and bedonkadonk) at 19 weeks:

It wasn't even on Empty yet!

This sucks! This was only 3/4 of a tank! Baby needs a Prius...

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Batman and my bro.

I talked to my brother last night. He's one year younger than me, and lives with his wife in Phoenix. He is one of the funniest people I know, an absolute well of untapped potential, with an encyclopedic knowledge of movies, music and Yankees baseball. He manages a comic book shop and is relatively new to the world of the "internets". Did I mention that he thinks my blog is stupid? Well, really, he thinks the whole idea of blogs and my space, etc. is silly. This surprises me, because I always thought that once he finally got connected from home that he'd get totally into the whole internet scene. I totally pegged him as spending hours watching videos, finding funny stuff to send, etc. Instead, I'm lucky if he responds to my emails.

He and his wife (can I use your name Amy?) went to see Batman at 9:15am on Saturday. They are kind of early birds, and I guess figured the theater wouldn't be that crowded.

I'm sure me and the big man will see it at the rockin' bow tie cinema, but not for a few weeks until the hype has subsided.

In any event, Todd (my bro) gave me a brief synopsis of the movie, that he said I could share with the "internets". (yes he really does call it that, but only to make me laugh).

So, according to Todd, this new Batman is better than the first Batman by whoever this new director is. Todd claims that Burton is still the king of the Batman movies. (I guess he was the director or something of the first three?) Anyway, Todd sez, "Heath Ledger was good. Nicholson was Nicholson. But the scariest Joker ever was Caesar Romero, because if I ever saw a guy who had lipstick over his moustache, I would be fu*&ing terrified."

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Straight from the McCain website.

Thought I'd check out John McCain's website today. Yeah, I'm that bored.

Women, be afraid. Be very afraid. Well, if you value your reproductive rights, that is. His site says:
John McCain believes Roe v. Wade is a flawed decision that must be overturned, and as president he will nominate judges who understand that courts should not be in the business of legislating from the bench. He goes on to tout the "armies of compassion" that provide "critical services to pregnant women in need". Unfortunately, what he leaves out is that he, and other conservatives like him, only give a damn about the baby when it's in the womb! After that, the new mom and infant are on their own! Because babies aren't nearly as important to take care of as fetuses, right? It is absolutely hypocritical to restrict abortion because a fetus has a right to be born, but then to fail to support the mothers and babies in need once the baby is born. These babies need food stamps, health care, and lots of other things that McCain doesn't necessarily think they should get. I guess handing mom a pair of bootstraps as she leaves the hospital with the baby is enough. Women, especially all of you Hillary supporters who think you may support McCain--wake up!!!!!

On a more amusing note, McCain's site also has a "Protecting Marriage" section, and I quote:
"The family represents the foundation of Western Civilization and civil society and John McCain believes the institution of marriage is a union between one man and one woman. It is only this definition that sufficiently recognizes the vital and unique role played by mothers and fathers in the raising of children, and the role of the family in shaping, stabilizing, and strengthening communities and our nation."
Really? Don't you mean one man and as many women as he likes Mr. McCain?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Excuse me while I throw my laptop out the window.

I've spent the last hour trying to edit and save a photo to post to the blog tonight. Fermi, a reader of the blog, whom I've never met, suggested that a photo of actual consumption of a Chicago Polish would be a good idea.

Big man cooked them up. I donned a cubs hat, grabbed an Old Style (did not open) and asked him to take a photo of me firing one down.

Just prior to my photo shoot, I had just gotten home from an outdoor event, hot and sweaty, so I showered, and am clean and (atypically) makeup free, so it wasn't a good photo to begin with. But, I'm game. Kodak easyshare kept crashing as I asked it to save the photo. Had to crop and get rid of the insane red eye, but it wouldn't work--and I tried three times.

Now, I am determined. I am going to find a way to post this hideous photo of me, because I want to post the "Baby's First Polish" photo tonight. So, I fire up the free photo software that came with the $4.99 ebay camera. Well, THAT software will let me crop the photo, but won't let me use the red eye removal program without paying for an upgrade. F-that. I'm not paying for jack.

So, filled with rage, I am on to Plan C. Go to Microsoft Paint and spray paint in some black color over the raging red of my pupils. But screw it, I'm posting the scary, unnaturally black pupil, spray edited photo, because damnit, I'm a stubborn pregnant lady who should be in bed already but was determined to post this, regardless of how bad (ok, let's say fresh-faced and youthful) I look.
So, here you have it, Baby's First Polish:

Monday, July 14, 2008

Thumpety thump thump!

Had the 18 week baby visit today.

We got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time!!! It was so cool. It is pretty atypical to be this far along and never heard the heartbeat, but because I was initially at a bit of a high risk, I got an ultrasound at every visit, which was awesome. So, we always saw the heartbeat, but never heard it. It was amazing how loud and strong it was--the nurse even went and got the big man out of the waiting room. (It was the exam and pap visit, so he opted not to watch the doc feel me up, so he wasn't in the room.)

We go back in two weeks for the detailed ultrasound, and the penis-spotting.

All genetic tests and bloodwork came back great so there's an 85% chance we aren't having a baby with birth defects or downs. I guess the ultrasound will help to confirm that. We've opted not to get to 100% certainty with an amnio because doc says that about 1 in 300 amnios causes a spontaneous miscarriage. Oh, and did I mention that the idea of a twelve inch needle inserted into my tummy makes me want to pee my pants?

Also, although I look pretty pregnant, I'm down about 7 pounds from the first visit to the doc. No one appears concerned about this trend, and given the fact that I'm a big girl to begin with, I sure can't afford to gain the customary baby weight, so the initial loss is a good thing.

In any event, all is well in the ol' womb. Life is good.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Hot beef injection, Chicago-style.

I came home from work tonight to this:
I immediately pegged it to be the hijinks of my pal Chang, who is famous for sending us goodies from Chicago. Over the years, he's sent us everything from deep dish pizza to cheesecake. God bless dry ice!

However, the not-so-little box containing Chicagoey goodness was not from Chang, although definitely inspired by Chang. The big man decided he wanted to replicate the tasty goodness of his home town, and bought himself some Vienna Beef products, including Italian Beef kits and Polishes (sausages), and I think hot dogs too. All to be washed down with Old Style, which traveled here in the form of a 30-pak in the trunk of the Caddy from his last Chicago trip. He wouldn't let me take a picture of him wearing his Cubs hat, drinking an Old Style and eating an Italian Beef, so this was the best I could do. I would have happily been the model if (a) I had felt like eating any of it; and (b) I wasn't already makeup-free and in my jammies, feeling blah.

**Although these photos look like they were taken with my $4.99 digital camera, they were actually taken by the new camera, by a girl who didn't read the manual to understand the settings...

Guess what I'm NOT doing tonight, a pregnancy rant.

I'm home.
I'm hungry.
My tummy hurts.
And, I'm grumpy.

I'm supposed to be out to dinner with one of my best buds, Tara, who is in town for the weekend, but a late-day case o' the pukies has kept me home. This sucks.

How is it exactly that women enjoy being pregnant? Does some brain chemical change occur once you have the kid so you forget how much it sucks during the baby growing process, so that you forget and decide to have more kids?

Really, for those of you who told me I'd feel great during my second trimester, f*&k you, damn liars. You should have described it as I wouldn't feel as shitty, 'cause that would be WAY more accurate. Not feeling like ass does not equate to feeling great. It is just higher up on the general suckiness scale.

"Oh", everyone told me, "you'll have so much more energy in your second trimester". Not true. Just because the average hour that useless couch drooling begins is closer to 9pm than 7pm does not equate to so much more energy. It feels like I just got over mono, instead of actually having mono.

The only one who came close to giving me the straight dope on what I'm in for was Tara, but unfortunately she told me once I was sperminated so there was no turning back.

Right now the girls are no doubt laughing and drinking cosmos, and I'm blogging in my jammies.

Being pregnant sucks!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Bad baby hates fries.

I am shocked to report that my baby is not a fan of fried potatoes, and is quite disinterested in fried anything these days, much to my dismay. Met a friend for lunch yesterday, at the Winner's Circle, a family owned restaurant I love. Trips to this restaurant were a Friday night occurrence most Fridays for the years I was in NY before the folks moved to NC. So, I'm pretty familiar with the place. They make the best chicken wings ever. Really. I think the secret ingredient must be crack. All I know is that I have never entered that restaurant and not eaten (and loved) a buffalo wing. My dad and I would always, always, always get them and share (love of wings, obviously an inherited trait). So, what would be better to order yesterday than wings (mild and extra crispy, natch) a side of fries, and a side salad (can't rely solely on the prenatal vitamins!)

Five wings in, I was done. And I barely made a dent in my fries. Bad baby discouraging mommy from eating deep fried goodness.

Big man has been working a slightly different schedule some days, 11pm to 7am instead of midnight to 8am. This means he rolls in at around 7:30am and I get to see him for a few minutes before I leave for work. Last night was the end of his week, and he had planned to have a hearty diner breakfast during his lunch hour--but duty called and he was too busy. So, he invited me to join him for breakfast at his fave local diner. I declined, as I was going to miss a chunk of work for a doc appointment and didn't want to be in late as well. So I get to work, eat my All Bran bar (ie shredded wood pulp with some sugary goo on top) and basically obsess for the next 30 minutes about what the big man's eating and how it is eons better than what I had. So, I call his cell, and on his way home, he drops by the office with a coffee, BK crossan'wich and hash browns. BK has the awesome deep fried tater tot-ish hash brown that I love. Until today. I ate two and chucked them.

A few hours later the baby made me eat a tomato sandwich on whole wheat with a side of fresh green beans and snap peas, followed by blueberries. Bad baby.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Punkasses 1, Me 0

Well, it lasted about three weeks, the Obama sign on my front lawn.

This morning all that was left was two metal rods in the ground.

Good thing I bought 2! The replacement goes up tonight.

Punkass mofos.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Fourth fun

Went to Dave's for his 4th of July BBQ. Unfortunately, about 90 minutes in, after the charcoal grills were roaring, I had an awful allergy attack--which seem to be a pregnancy thing. I had to leave after about 40 minutes, a box of tissues, and tears that would not stop. I was quite a sight. So, big man never even really got to eat, as he came later than me after he woke up and showered! He took me home, fed me benadryl, and ended up boiling himself some hot dogs, despite my urging that he go back to the party without me. Dave and Uncle John each called offering to bring plates down, but I was in no shape for food and the big man graciously declined. Although today, he fessed up that he really was bummed to have missed all the tasty food.

Anyway, before I became a snot-nosed embarassment, I managed to snap a photo of the big man and a few others. The new camera rocks! The Kodak software has cool effects, and so I converted big man into a cartoon, which I suppose is okay to post. I thought it was so cool, I made him snap a head shot of me so I could be a B-toon. Big man thinks they look like hypercolored photos, but I think they look pretty neat. There's also a "coloring book" setting. This is big man toon:

Big man coloring book:

And B toon, above.

I LOVE the new camera, although the software makes my ancient laptop slow as hell!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Jesse Helms, finally dead.

Can't honestly say rest in peace Helms, because I hope you'll soon be rollin' in your grave once we elect Obama president.

When my folks moved to NC in '01, Helms was their senator. My mom, who's a little liberal spitfire and active Move On member, went to visit his office one day, and was surprised to find that the people working there were encased in bulletproof glass. (no lie.)

I think I'd have to spend a long time trying to find anything that Jesse Helms did that I actually think helped to advance our country.

According to CNN, Helms once said that his job was to derail the freight train of liberalism. As racist and closed-minded as they come, Helms opposed affirmative action, abortion, gay rights, and even the creation of the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., federal holiday.

Helms' local paper described his work in the Republican Party as, "Helms helped broaden the party to include religious conservatives and people who drank not just Chablis but sweet tea, and who drove not just BMWs but pickup trucks." That is one thing that has always amazed me. By and large the pickup truck and sweet tea crowd are harmed far more by the tax policies that favor the rich and the push for smaller government, yet something in the south draws them to the republican party (the baby Jesus, perhaps?). I have a few theories on that, but won't get into them today.

In a particularly enlightened moment, in 1956 (reports CNN), Helms wrote, "To rob the Negro of his reputation of thinking through a problem in his own fashion is about the same as trying to pretend that he doesn't have a natural instinct for rhythm and for singing and dancing."

How does a guy like that serve five terms (30 years) in the US Senate??

Happy Fourth O' July!

Four score and seven year ago....or something like that!

Happy Fourth of July all!

Just got my new digital camera yesterday, headed to a family BBQ and will give it a test drive for posting later!

Off to gorge myself with mac salad and grilled grub!


Thursday, July 3, 2008


I am a devout shopper. They have great clearance deals, and when the shipping is flat rate or 99 cents an item, you can't beat it.

Sometimes though, the little computer monkeys mess up my order, and ship it to the wrong address in my address book. It has happened about 3 times.

Today, my Dad calls at lunch time to tell me thank you for sending us frames but why did you send us 8x10 picture frames? I explain to him that the frames are for me...could he please ship them to me. I KNOW I checked the shipping address, and my home is the default, so I can't explain why or how this happened. But, I've been wondering where they are and why I haven't gotten them yet.

I ordered the frame after discovering etsy ( This is a craft/artisan site with tons of art, photos, crafts, etc. I found a photographer whose work I like, and bought two photos for the big man. They are black and white photos taken of Wrigley Field. Thought he'd like them, and could be the start of the sports-themed baby room, or could go in one of our guest rooms which has lots of sports-related stuff. I found these great, matted frames--too bad they are in North Carolina. When I bought the photos and frames, I thought I'd wait and have it be an anniversary (October) gift to him. I am notoriously bad about buying holiday/event gifts in advance and then being unable to wait until the specified day to give them, and give them early instead. At least Kohls has prevented me from giving the gift early, for a week or two at least.