I don't want Big Man to go to work tonight. I just want want to hang out with my baby and teach her stuff, and not be so tired all the time.
We are going to try to wing the work thing with no formal child care. I say try, but as Yoda says, there is no try. We are going to make it work no matter what. Big Man works midnight to 8am, and my office is open from 9-5:30. I will head to work when Big Man gets home, and the baby might come to my office toward the end of the day so Big Man will get more sleep. This means no real dinner cooking or spending time together--just sleeping whenever we can when the other is at work so that we aren't total zombies. I don't want to (and sure couldn't afford to) put Dani in any type of structured care, as Big Man's schedule rotates, and his days off will most likely fall during the week.
Mostly it is just making me sad. Sad in kind of a selfish way because I feel like I'm not going to get to spend much time with Big Man when we aren't exhausted. Sad because I will probably miss out on a lot of neat things that Dani does during the day with Big Man, and just torn because I'm supposed to want to be a bitchin' lawyer with a great local practice, and if money didn't matter and I could still have some semblance of a career in a year or two, I would just say fuck it and stay home longer. But, I can't. I knew when I switched jobs that it would mean a short leave, but I didn't think I would care because Big Man would be home. And I didn't think that babies cried. so. much. for. no. reason.
Anyway, this post is incredibly whiny which is usually a sign that I'm overtired. And, generally I am not smart enough to nap. Dani's been sleeping for 5-6 hours at a clip, once per day, typically from around 9pm to 3am. She is due to wake up around 9:30pm to eat, and then I am going to go to sleep when she does, in hopes that she will sleep from like 10-4am and make mommy happy. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
My baby will be 4 weeks old tomorrow--already!