Monday, February 9, 2009

An open apology to everyone

To my friends and family who I rarely talk to, (I'm trying)

I don't often make plans.
I hear it ring, but don't pick up the phone.
I miss political events, and have a million recommendation letters to do for folks who want jobs.
I *usually* remember to empty the litter box.
I fell asleep during the pro bowl last night.
I'm not as punctual as I used to be. I actually get to the office at about 8:45, instead of 7:30, and sometimes more like 9am.

I watched many of you with kids, and could never figure it out. I mean, how hard could it be? I was always the girl at the party talking to the guys because the mommys were all in the kitchen talking about diapers and boring stuff like babies. I'm one of you now. (Well, it might be more likely that I will let you hold my baby at the party so I can go have fun with the guys, but that remains to be seen.)
For every time I walked into the house of a stay at home mom and couldn't figure out why it was a mess when she was just home all day with the kids...I apologize, for thinking it, because, man I was wrong!
We are going to hire someone to come to the house one day per week so Big Man can sleep. Sleep! We are going to pay someone, so my husband can be upstairs and sleep undisturbed once in the middle of his work week! Two months ago I would have scoffed at the thought, because, how hard could it be??
Sometimes I still think it's not that hard. Dani sleeps like a champ at night, so I'm pretty lucky. She only gets up once. Big Man cooks dinner every week night, so I come home to a hot meal. (For the record, he used way too much thyme on the ham steaks he made tonight so I didn't really eat the dinner, but I digress. He's a man, and a good cook, and I'm damn lucky.)
I wish I could say that it will get better soon and I will magically reappear in your life, answer the phone, and clean my house, but we are planning on trying for baby number 2 in a few weeks. So, now's the time to drag me out for dinner and drinks before I get knocked up all over again and it gets even harder.

Sorry! But can you blame me? Isn't she just the cutest little bean?


Mayor Ann said...

You'll really be rockin' when you're taking them both to client meetings, your two beans, loading them with cheerios and primary colored plastic toys, just to get ten minutes in with a person that's paying you to be the professional person you know you are... can remember being...

or it will be everything you can do to hold your temper publicly, say in the grocery store or at a PTA meeting when your children behave like the devil spawn they are...

or you are shuffling more gear than you thought humanly possible to the beach, across the searing sand, to sit morbidly by the waves and contemplate what's happened to your body, your mood, your life...

then, one of them, will bring you a shell or bury your feet in silvery sand, warm as the smile on your baby's face...

yeah, you'll be rockin'...

Welcome to the club. Enjoy the koolaid.

Love, A.

linda k said...


I've read several of your postings and laughed out loud. I'm glad I found your blog.



debbyk said...

lunch the 21st still on?

B, Esq. said...

@ Mayor,
the KoolAid's tasty!

@ Linda K,
Thanks! Glad I make you chuckle!

@ Debby K,
Definitely on for lunch! Baby's first trip to the mall!

Andromeda said...

hehehe... told you! ;)

i remember that post on OS where you basically asked, "how hard could it be?" hehe. i'm chuckling now.

yes, they are a pain and a joy, they hold you back but push you towards greatness you never imagined, they keep you up at night yet are the reason we wake up in the mornings, they are our worlds.

at least the sleeping parts gets easier.

and i was wondering how long the Big Man could go without sleep. for that reason alone, i won't let my husband work graves until the Dictator is in school. i don't know how busy the big man's department is, but my husband is basically running from call to call to call for 10 hours straight. and he works in the ghetto and deals with a LOT of gun violence. so i NEED him to be fully rested so the chances of him making mistakes and not coming home at night are reduced. for these reasons, i sure hope the Big Man has slow shifts!!!

B, Esq. said...

Big Man works in the 'hood. Even he has realized he needs more rest, and needs to have someone come to the house so he can sleep. The alternative shift (4-midnight) would require a sitter daily, and I offered to have him shift even before Dani was born, and he figured he'd keep rolling with the overnights to see how it went.........we shall see!